My 14-year-old cousin tells me she has done with boys

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The young lady is 22 and her cousin is 14. They contact each other through social media. The little girl considers her cousin as her big sister and asks for keeping secret.


The big sister has told the girl that she shouldn’t do that until she’s 16 and must use protection, but she’s not sure whether the girl would listen to her.


She would like to tell her parents, but knows they may be furious if they knew what the girl has been up to. She does not know what she should do.



I don’t know how the girl’s parents taught her about self-protection and necessary precautions, but for me, the girl may need better sex education to increase the awareness of the danger of no protection.


Here are some things you need to clarify with your child about safe sex:


Stress the importance of safety always.


Tell your child that their safety is your first and foremost concern and emphasize that safety is a non-negotiable point.


Introduce them some basic knowledge about STDs, their symptoms, and that they may stay with them for a lifetime once they got a STD.



For teens or preteens, make it clear that the unprotected activity may lead to serious consequences, and ask them to think about it thoroughly.


For younger children, the information is not needed temporally. If they ask, you can simply explain that people may need to see a doctor if they don’t pay attention to safety.


I do hope all children can raise their awareness of protecting themselves and don’t agree to personal activities too easily.


4 Answers

These messages are for mutual support and information sharing only. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.
Sex is natural and it is fun.  Once you start an encounter it is very hard to stop.  It is easy to get carried away and do more than you were planning.  Having said that, you should be aware that sexually transmitted diseases can stay with you for life and can affect the children that you someday may have.  It is remarkably easy to protect yourself and your partner with the use of condoms and prevent pregnancy with contraceptive foam.   It isn’t very glamorous or sexy to stop what you’re doing to use these but we are talking about life and death in some cases.    And if you get pregnant you note have eighteen years of work ahead of you.    Your parents would prefer you abstain from sex until you are older.  The problem is once you find sex it is hard to stop doing it as a child.  You don’t have the self control that is necessary.   Save your life.   If you have children make life easier for them by being old enough to provide for them and you.   Use condoms and contraceptive foam.
You are right. If we can't stop the kids from doing, at least ensure them using condoms.
Tell her parents.  The 14 yr old's saftey is at risk b/c of poor sex education or none at all.
Banning porns that's the most effective way.
I don't know, she trusts the big sister, maybe it's time for the big sister to act like a big sister and discuss about safethy with the young girl.
I purchased a book for an eighth grader.  She came to me because her breasts were developing and one was slightly larger.  I purchased a book entitled "What's Happening to My Body" We read the book together.  She enjoyed learning about her body and the boys/men.  She has finished High School without doing boys.  After we had finish reading and discussing the book,  she picked up the telephone and call one of her girl friend.  She told her girl friend "you need to read this book."
I just want to express how delight I feel when I read your comment. That's exactly the right way a parent/concerned adult should do when kids and teens feel confused about their body. My friend in college has a mother who read her books about the knowledge since she was very young. She holds the most open-minded but as well safe attitude towards sex among all the people I know. I think her sex education is really successful and hope every kid can gain the same chance of learning.