A guy of 18 says he’s “quite shy and seriously fed-up with being the way I am.”
I guess that’s not uncommon. Everyone may have some shy moments at some point of his or her life. Some may overcome the shyness over time and with efforts, but others just cannot convince themselves to take the first step to change.
No one wants to be in this way, though. Like the guy says, “I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life.”
How to overcome your shyness step by step? Here are some psychological tricks that may help.
Don’t tell others that you are shy. There’s no need to advertise your shyness. It’s like the secret is always a secret if you don’t say it out, and as long as it’s a secret, others won’t know or prejudge you in that way.
Change your tone
If you blush when you are uncomfortable, don’t equate it with shyness. Tell yourself in this way: “I’ve always been quick to blush.” Let it stand on its own.
Avoid the label
Don’t label yourself as shy, or as anything. You are a unique individual, not a single trait.
Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don’t allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it.
I’d like to share my story at last.
You know what, you are not as shy as you imagine in others’ eyes. When I started to find my first job, I was very nervous about my interview. In one interview, the interviewer asked me a long list of questions that I had never prepared for, or even heard of. I was so afraid but what I could do was keeping myself together, pretending to be answering the questions confidently.
When the interview ended at last, I was wet in sweat. The interviewer must have noticed, and I thought maybe I lost the chance of getting that job. But guess what? He just gave me a piece of tissue and said: “Are you feeling hot? I’m sorry the air conditioner is not working properly in this room.”
Well I was not hot at all. My hands were cold and my sweat came all from my nervousness. But he just ignored that.
It is said that people tend to pay more attention to themselves than to others, even when giving an interview. The interviewer saw my sweat, but he thought I was hot because he was not paying full attention to me.
Since then, every time when I feel nervous, I would tell myself that nobody would notice my nervousness. Thinking about this, I won’t be that nervous and will perform better, which in turn helps me feel less nervous.
If you are shy, eye contact can push you outside your comfort zone but it is a social kill that helps build trust. You can try to adjust your performance by encouraging yourself, or if your social anxiety is serious, it can be a trait of autism or Asperger’s syndrome, in which situation your doctor can give you a diagnosis and offer some help.