How to Tell Your Children about Sexual Consent

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Are you one of those parents who leave the “sex talk” altogether, hoping that schools will do it instead? Well, although you needn’t feel shame about it since you are only one of the many, talking to your child about sex is unavoidable for you and your loved little one.


According to a survey, many adolescents reported having kissed and/or touched a partner under clothing by age 12, and intimate activities like holding hands, kissing and sexual touching is normal for the age group 11 to 13.



Jennifer Cassarly, a researcher looking into early adolescents’ beliefs about negotiating sexual consent for sexual activities, suggests that it’s difficult for adolescents to apply their understanding of sexual consent to situations of sexual coercion. Sexual activities thus occur as a result of pressure, trickery, threats or nonphysical force.


According to Cassarly’s study, boys and girls at age 11 are not clear enough about sexual behavior, for example, they tend to think the girl decides if sexual activity will happen, and endorse constructions of rape culture, specifically that of victim blaming. She therefore thinks it necessary to guide young adolescents about sexual consent and here is the way you parents or caregivers can do that.



If it’s not yes then it’s no


Tell your child that if they were to ask for their partner’s consents, the only way to be sure is receiving a clear “yes.” Remind them to check in with their partner using sentences like “Is this okay?”, “Can I…?”, “Hey wanna…”


Also, being able to read the facial expression and body language is essential. Tell the young people that if they see rejection in their partner’s non-verbal signs, they need to stop what they are doing.



Don’t fear rejection


Young people may be afraid to ask for consent because they fear rejection, instead opting to “just go for it.” Talking to them about rejection and reminding them the importance of asking for consents and possible consequences of “just go for it” can help.


What’s more, young people often report not wanting to say “no” to someone because they’re afraid of hurting their partners, leading to unwanted sexual activity. Parents and caregivers can suggest ways they can respond like “I like you, but I’m not ready”, “I don’t want to” or “no, not yet.”



Tackle the power of pressure


Remind the young people it’s never okay to make someone take part in a sexual activity through making the person feel guilty for not doing it, blackmailing or tricking them.


Deconstruct stereotypes


Like previously talked, it’s important to tell your child that girls are not solely responsible for sexual activity occurring. For example, some clothing can be “sexy” but that does not mean the person wearing the clothing is consenting to sexual activity or deserves to be disrespected.

10 Answers

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If talking about sex directly is embarrassing, why not try leading the children to start talking?
Talking like friends is the best way talking. Factors are best talking.
I hope parents tell their children right things to do although I told my guy I picked him up from a garbage bin downstairs.
To be honest, I can't imagine what's like to talk about sex with children. Young people are willing to hear stories from "old guys"?
YES. "no" means no, you must teach your kid how to say no. You may think your kid is still small, but criminals don't think so.
this seems to be a must-learn for pupils
My child isn't old enough to know about this topic, but I've already told her how babies are born.
This is 2019 PLEASE wake up I'm almost 59 (2 months) have 6 children 38-27 yrs old and 9 grandchildren 19 yrs old to 1 month!! you will be surprised kids 5 and 6 learn and know more than u think they do from other kids, whether in the family at school,or friends in the neighborhood or family friends even family members who over step their boundaries to tell them the 70s I had friends 11 and 12 having FULL BLOWN SEX (I don't even know if we were 12 cause I left the north in 6th grade) I RAN HOME TERRIFIED!!! COMING FROM A STRICT MILITARY AND PROTECTED CHRISTIAN ENVIRONMENT..YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE AND WHO THEY ARE AROUND. That day I went inside with a friend not knowing that's what their plans were they had beem doing this already cause it was ready set go!!  I WAS SHELTERED AND VERY NAIVE its better to educate your children set limits #1 rule no spending the nights in others homes!!! as an older guy told me about raising my kids. sleepovers at your house if you wanna lose sleep AND TRY N HOPEFULLY keep an eye NEVER EVER SAY MY KID WON'T DO THIS OR THAT..remember that was in the 70's. Now at 5 an 6 yrs old they work cell phones tablets etc. better than us. They go on the internet at any age. all they need to know is how to type in one word SEX and madam or sir Google will continue to help them the rest if the it's better to teach them ahead of time. Example: Body parts what to do and say if someone even touch there thigh, tickling, waiting till others leave the room to whisper things. Some try and do things in plain view to seem innocent.. I taught and teach mine there entire body is private not to be touched! But yes the "private" private parts are a no no.. Also have a system if they need to tell you if someone does or says anything inappropriate write it down where to put the note..draw a picture act out on that door or a doll or a toy
.ask them they probably won't come out and tell you too embarrassed are scared ask every week, every day,if u have to things happen at school,  every time around new people, make or female family members, close or not YOU DO NOT need a REASON TO ASK..JUST ASK THEM IF ANYONE TOUCHED THEM OR ASKED THEM IF THEY'VE HAD SEX ide say around 9 or so these days... I asked mine contantly Because I waited on my younger siblings to tell me because we were close THEY DIDN'T...
I always tell my boy to respect girls and to take responsibility. Hope he can deal with the relationship with girls correctly.
WHAT  ???!!!


" According to a survey ???  many adolescents reported having kissed and or touched a partner under clothing by age 12, and intimate activities like holding hands kissing and sexual touching is normal for the age group 11-13. " ???